The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
