I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
