life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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