I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
