I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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