I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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