I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
