if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
