and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
