My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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