You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
