Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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