Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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