I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
