ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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