Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
