Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
