Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there is glitter all over my balls
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