I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
