There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
