***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
