Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
