Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
