so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
