You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
