i was born a porn star she said
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
