He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
