If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
