I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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