I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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