3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
