lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
