Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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