Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
