I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
