Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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