His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
