Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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