I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
