I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
