we're blogging at a bar
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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