Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Welp...herpes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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