Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
