Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
