Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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