Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
