The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
