If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
