this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ok first of all what the fuck
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
