I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
