So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
