My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
