I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
