I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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